What this existence means to me

When I look through a lot of my past writings, I notice repeated phrases and words. One of those words that I have used repeatedly is existence. I am glad that I use that word frequently because it shows that I am thinking about the big picture instead of trivial struggles.

As a teacher, I notice patterns in the way that my students are able to learn. Some learn by trial and error, some by looking at someone else completing a task, some by sheer determination, and some by rote memorization. The route that works best for them is the route that I encourage them to pursue. This is how teaching is such a beautiful profession. First, you get to know each student on a personal level, then you get to push the right buttons and see the excitement on their faces when they comprehend what is being presented to them.

I learn best with my eyes. I have always been good at mimicry, and that is due to the details that my eyeballs pick up on. Impersonating others is easy for me, and I think that it’s because I notice how people hold themselves and allow their faces to contort while they talk. For example, when I speak like George W. Bush, I give a heavy dose of forehead and eyebrow movement, while constantly nodding my head in a cocky way. Voila, I become W.! Mimicry is simply noticing the small details and acting them out with accuracy. My eyes observe these details, and then I act them out. The reason why this is fascinating to me is that my eyes could certainly be considered a weak point of mine. I have had glasses since I was three years old. My vision is something like 20/400. Without glasses or contacts, my vision is comparable to that of a blind man. Through this area of weakness, I have built up a strength that I can depend on. I am a visual learner, yet my poor eyesight gave me a very inauspicious beginning in this quest for life-long learning.

This existence of mine is whatever I choose to make it. Nothing is more liberating than this thought! Though times may be oppressive, cruel, or horrific, I can take solace in knowing that my mindset is the engine that drives me back to happiness. If I can take a definite weakness and turn it into a strength, then within reason, anything is possible. The proof is there, and the evidence cannot be questioned. This means that whatever I choose to do with my life is possible. I know that I sound like I’m regurgitating dialogue from a Lifetime Channel original, but I truly believe that these sentiments are what make the human experience worth living.

My cousin Jim once talked about his “existential wanderlust.” When I first heard that phrase, I tried for months to unlock its meaning. By not thinking so much, and sitting back with a smile spread wide across my face, I think I’m finally starting to understand what he meant by that. This existence of mine is nothing short of spectacular.